family

Hot Tips: Make Eye Contact and Set Limits

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In 1997, Will and I moved to Arlington, Virginia, where I was starting law school and Will was starting residency at Walter Reed. One of the first Saturdays we lived there, we packed a picnic and gloves and a baseball and went to the Jefferson Memorial. After our picnic, our game of catch was short-lived, because Park Police told us there was no ball playing allowed. It was a matter of reverence.

But things have changed. Just a few weeks ago I was walking around the Iwo Jima Memorial. A cute young girl was using a ball throwing thing with her dog. Since I circled the monument a few times to try to get in a few steps and take in the fall colors, I passed this girl, her dog, and the ball repeatedly. I would’ve smiled at this girl, but she had expert training in not making eye contact under any circumstances. In fact, most young people in DC have this skill. And I’m just going to be honest: I hate it. I’m an introvert. I find small talk exhausting. But the no eye contact thing is weird. I was in Washington the same month I spent a week in Alabama. Guess which group of people seems happier? It’s not even close.

Partly it’s the old truth: right feelings follow right actions. Smile and acknowledge, and you feel more joyful and worthy. Who is responsible for teaching so many to stay in sad and awkward silos? The Bible says we are made in the image of God. Do you ever stop to think how incredible that is? Should an image-bearer be committed to ignoring other image-bearers? Obviously not.

But I have another tip for you. And I guess it’s probably related since it involves social media. Last Friday morning I was writing in my prayer journal, confessing yet again that I had not been using my time wisely. I felt right then that I should set a limit on my phone. I put my prayer journal down and had to look up how to do it. I set a limit on social media for one hour. Seemed pretty generous. I know someone who has a much shorter limit, and he cannot change it because his friend has the password. But guess what? Even though it was like 11 am, I had already reached an hour! Kind of embarrassing. But also kind of great, because the rest of the day I was more productive and focused than usual.

A week in and I can tell you this limit is my friend! I feel like my attention span is healing with all the reading I’ve been doing.

Plus, in the only Psalm written by Moses, one verse says, “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12).

Let’s number our days aright and affirm the worthiness of those around us.

Blessings,

Kristie

Adults Only

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In October 2001, I became a mother for the first time. But even before that I spent lots of time with my niece and nephew, and before that I doted on my little cousins. For most of my life I have had the blessing of children to love on and be entertained by. Today however marks a new season. Eighteen years ago today our third and last baby boy was born. Suddenly I find myself surrounded by men — men who can vote and be drafted and go to jail.

The blessing is that my three sons, who brought so much laughter to my last couple decades, are amazing men. I mean they are sinners like everyone else, but I am proud of how thoughtful and intelligent they’ve become. They are driven and faith-filled. Plus they know that I always love to hear a funny story.

The world may relentlessly sow seeds of dissatisfaction, telling you that you can’t be happy unless you have this or that. But I believe the best thing you can do, after deciding to live for Jesus of course, is to have a family. A family is a sanctifying gift that brings joy and meaning beyond measure. Nothing compares. I’ve had the opportunity to see many facets of life: I’ve oddly had a high paying job in a prestigious law firm. I’ve rubbed elbows with people in various professions who have achieved tremendous success. I’ve taken some incredible vacations. I’ve attended some very glamorous events. But nothing compares to the joy of being a mother. The social media movement touting the supposed freedom of being childless is just another joy-robbing scheme of the devil. Sadly, many DINKs (dual income, no kids) will come to their senses when it’s too late, and they won’t be able to enjoy being DIAKs (dual income, adult kids). Yes, I made that up but I kind of like it!

That doesn’t mean that parenting is easy. Obviously it’s not. Motherhood requires sacrifice, and we are always going to make mistakes. We will wound the little people we aim to love. We will let them give up when they should persevere, and we will push them when we should call it a day. Sometimes we will choose the wrong battles. Sometimes we will fail to recognize what they need. But we will learn so much trying, and so will they. We will grow more reliant on the Lord. We will grow increasingly convinced that He is sovereign and that we cannot orchestrate any particular outcome. We will be forced to pry our stubborn fingers from their futile efforts to control, and hand our children over to God. We will do this again and again, even when they are adults.

In the midst of this, the family bond will be reinforced through the best and worst moments. Together, we will witness that God uses it all for our good and His glory.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Blessings,

Kristie

P.S. The pain of wanting a family and not having one is not a topic that I could possibly tackle, but I am praying tonight for the those who face this heartache. I also have been blessed by wonderful people in my life who invested in others as a parent-like figure. This too is a reflection of God’s design and I am grateful for that influence.

Christmas Spirit Hacks

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Hi Friends,

I have not been feeling very Christmas-y? I haven’t been reading any advent devotional with regularity — only a few here and there. I haven’t been listening to enough Christmas music either. One trip to the mall left me feeling kind of sad. The convenience of modern life with Amazon delivering whatever, whenever has pretty much ruined the mall. Golly it was fun to shop and dream about getting and giving gifts. Movies too are just not what they were before the “upgrade” of streaming. I guess I’ve been wishing for the days of old in some ways.

But I have had such a wonderful day! This morning I went to a ladies Christmas brunch for church. I love multigenerational gatherings. I met a woman who was in my sorority and graduated from my same college — except she graduated 40 years before me. I also held a friend’s new baby for at least half an hour. These sweet moments are not marred by technology. They are the same yesterday, today and forever. Just like Jesus. I also wore a $20 sequined shirt I bought at TJ Maxx. I got so many compliments on my festive shirt and partook in so much yummy food. Such a wonderful Christmas-y morning.

When I got home, I read a text from my best friend from 6th grade. It made me laugh till my face hurt. She was making me aware that I had accidentally reposted her cousin’s “story,” which had something to do with her firstborn buying a car. Now I don’t really know this person — certainly never met the son — and I of course have no idea how I reposted this. I neither watch nor understand stories. My only other “story” was also an accident — it was a parmesan chicken recipe a couple years ago. But can you imagine what she thought when she saw I had reposted hers? Do you think she’s going to pursue some kind of social media restraining order? I don’t know when I have a had a better laugh.

Clearly, my views on the mall and my propensity for inexplicable social media faux pas suggest, at heart, I’m more 82 than 52. But I will tell you that a fun Christmas gathering and a laugh-till-you-cry interaction with your friend of forty years are sure paths to festive vibes.

Proverbs says, “Whoever brings blessing will be enriched,  and one who waters will himself be watered.” (11:26 ESV). Today, my soul was watered by celebrating with friends, holding a precious newborn, meeting a lovely older woman and cracking up with an old friend. Hopefully tomorrow I can be a blessing to or “water” someone else.

Blessings,

Kristie